How a stint at a US college fraternity helped me embrace my true self. When AJ Lamarque went to California on university exchange, the last thing he expected was to join a fraternity. Quietly courted by a group of frat boys a lifetime away from his native London, AJ — used to being close friends with girls — was thrown head-first into the raucous, machismo world of the brotherhood.
This crash course in male friendship, in the strangest of settings, taught him a great lesson — one that led to a new life in Australia. In Tufnell Park, a small yet densely packed neighbourhood in north London. I lived in a housing estate, and essentially anywhere you walked around, everyone looked different. It was truly a melting pot of people, which also kind of reflected my family. But my dad is mixed race.
When I did make friends, it wasn't with boys. I was one of the girls. I knew from 13 that I was attracted to guys, but they never represented any type of person I could have a social bond with. I wasn't out as a young adult.
When I arrived, I noticed the fraternities on our drive through college. They're big American houses, and they've got all the Greek letters adorning the walls outside. On the roofs of these multi-storey buildings, people would get a hose and funnel beer down to someone else at the ground to drink, or someone would be doing a keg stand. It was so cliche it hurts. They took me to a jello stripper night. Because I'd never come out to them technically, I was just kind of wondering: "What is a normal heterosexual reaction to this behaviour?
When do you clap? I just thought: "I don't know the norms around this, but I'm just going to mimic the behaviour of the guys around me and try and blend in as best as I can.
