Board suspends policeman in wardrobe case HP Terminals keep Sun up at night Now take a simple phrase, "Secure the building," and see the different meanings different occupations attach to it: Navy: Turn out the lights and lock the doors.
Army: Post guards to prevent anyone from entering. Marines: Take the building. Guard it with your lives. Destroy it if necessary. Air Force: Rent it for 18 months, with an option to buy. Prison: Post guards to prevent anyone from exiting. Federal Bureaucrat: Put metal detectors at entrances; deploy truck-bomb squads. Exterminator: Close all windows, evacuate everyone, then set off bug bombs.
Gas Company: Open all windows, then test for leaks. Water Company: Turn off the water at the street valve. Power Company: Pull out the electric meter, shutting off all power. Electrician: Pull out the electric meter, shutting off all power. Plumber: Turn off the main valve. University department head: Get more space from the physical plant. University security guard: Walk through the building once an hour and look bored. Nuclear Regulatory Commission: Check everything with a Geiger counter.
Museum: Lock everyone in, search them, check the inventory. Mayberry Jail: Take the keys off the hook; give Barney his bullet. Real Estate Agent: Have an accepted offer with no stipulations.
Janitor: Lock the doors, mop the floors, and clean the fixtures. Senator: Get all reporters out of the Capitol. Campaign Manager: Make sure no opposition party spies are present. CIA: Check for wiretaps, bugs, and other clandestine devices. FBI: Shoot it full of holes. EPA: Check for traces of hazardous materials and pollutants. Ball Park: Make sure nobody gets in without a ticket.
