I never thought that one day I would share this experience with anyone, since being a homosexual has been one of the most lonely life experiences at times. It is a narrow path all its own, and it's one I felt I had to walk alone.
I had a straight friend of mine say to me once, "I am shocked you use the word 'homosexual,' that's the clinical definition and I heard you guys don't like that. My younger years were afternoons spent playing with Barbies, dolls and The Little Mermaid.
After I joined my first soccer team at the age of 6, I fell in love with the sport and competition. I preferred boy clothing, Adidas jackets, shoes, etc. I loved cap guns, waterguns, playing dodgeball and basketball, riding my Dyno bike and collecting Pogs and Slammers. At one time, I really wanted to be a boy. I felt like a boy, on the inside. I remember one birthday my mother made me invite a girl because I invited all boys to my party.
I was around 8 at the time, and I chose the prettiest girl I knew. She later became my crush from middle school through high school, from recess to her being crowned homecoming queen. It was hard having feelings toward someone I never had a chance with because of my sexual orientation. It was difficult having these feelings toward someone for so many years, knowing that I was just not her kind, or any girl's kind.
It was hard being gay in high school. When you are holding a big secret for so many years, and when you don't like who you are, life becomes an uphill battle you fight all alone. I tried coming out to my cousin early on, at the age of When she didn't keep the secret, it hurt me really bad.
